Do I know you ? – Relationship paradox

Imagine a day when you are in a cold war with your partner. It will seem that she (I am referring here only “she” but it applies to both he and she) is not speaking to you properly, whatever she does seems just wrong and  against you. As if whole land beneath you is taken away. You feel shattered and unhappy. We all go through such moments in our lives with  variable depths. Let me tell you today how I have minimized such instances from my life.

The paradox is that more I know her I realize that I don’t know her: We are changing every moment. We are different and new than we were a moment ago. We constantly learn, unlearn, predict, assume, define, verify, analyse and do all sorts of things which makes us different every moment. When do we get hurt ? When we expect that our partner should behave in certain way but in reality  she has behaved in different way. So we feel that she has changed or she does not love me anymore  or she should have not said things in certain way. It is because we had expected that she should have behaved in the ways she behaved previously. She has literally evolved from her “last time”. As a matter of fact she is new and different now. If I would have accepted that she also changes moment to moment I would have not expected anything from her exactly like last time and clash could have been avoided.

In any relationship, in the beginning there is always a charm and sweetness. It is because she was an uncharted territory. Literally. As time passes by, boredom enters. That is the time we refer to as honeymoon is over. It is as if we are going to the same place over and over. This happens because we take our partner for granted. We think that we know her. This is absolutely untrue. It is almost impossible to know her.We ourselves do not know  who we are. We are even surprised by our own behavior many times. How on this earth it is possible to know her ?

As soon as we understand this fact that we do not know her, she is an uncharted territory, curiosity will arise. Curiosity will bring interest and there will be no boredom anymore. Everyday will be a new romantic day !